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Submitted on
January 1, 2011
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583
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40
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1.

her illness
beyond our care
winter birds


2.

explaining tanka
to my 5th grade class
a pivot
of laughter
from the hallway


3.

birthday morning
a brand new set
of aches


4.

winter stones
I hurl the last
of a gut bug


5.

city blizzard
the soup kitchen door
still warm


6.

bowling
with perfect form
on Nintendo
my grandfather's
arthritic hands


7.

tuition deadline
I stretch the hole
in my pocket


8.

deep winter
the green
of old bread


9.

donation jar
for orphan children
somewhere
my coins
in the shuffle


10.

CT scan
revealing nothing
winter sun


-complete-
This will be a series of haiku, senryu, tanka, and kyoka :heart:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlombregrise:
lombregrise Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Professional Writer
:clap:
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:iconwrheath:
wrheath Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Very nice! 1 and 8 are my favorites, though all are admirable.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2011
Thank you! I appreciate the kind words.
Reply
:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2011   Writer
It's a great tutorial to come and read your work, reminding me of what can be done with a few words. My favourites are 1, 2, 6, 7 and 8.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2011
Thank you Cat! It means alot to hear you say that.
Reply
:icontheira-chan:
Theira-Chan Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2011
I'm overwhelmed while reading your series again after a long time of a broken pc.
so I'm sorry that you didn't hear anything for weeks!

I hope you're doing fine,as well as your family!
feel hugged my friend <3
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2011
Ah, so thats where you've been! I miss you too Annina. Don't worry, we'll catch up soon on MSN. Well wishes to your family as well. See you soon, friend!
Reply
:iconesin:
Esin Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2011
I love everything about this set.
How it moves between the inner life and interactions with the world.
:)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011
What a lovely reading :) Thank you Esin.
Reply
:iconesin:
Esin Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2011
de nada
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
10. Reminder that when sick a test that reveals nothing offers little comfort.
A nice set Laurence. :)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2011
Very true friend :) Its good seeing you around again.
Reply
:iconsynconi:
synconi Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2011   Artisan Crafter
Number 9 warms my heart; I love the way it incorporates both sight and sound, I can hear the clinking of the pennies in the pot...:heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2011
Thank you Gaby :heart: I appreciate you taking time to read.
Reply
:iconsynconi:
synconi Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2011   Artisan Crafter
Always my pleasure! <3
Reply
:iconpixieplay:
pixieplay Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2011
Oh, how I love number five. Despite the raging elements, charity is strong enough to brave the tough weather and extend a hand to those in need. :heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2011
Thanks Kera :heart: Yeah, there is alot of good in this world.
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
7. Perfect!!!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2011
Thank you, Ron!
Reply
:iconearthknight:
EarthKnight Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
perfect... #6 I can relate to so much. you never fail to impress me with your poetry, Laurence.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2011
Thanks! I appreciate the kind words :heart:
Reply
:iconearthknight:
EarthKnight Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
most welcome <3
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
5 really is very touching. Even in the coldest winter, there is still somewhere anyone can turn to for help
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2011
Thanks Jenni. I agree, kindness often turns up in adverse conditions.
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome
Reply
:iconhw-campbell-jnr:
hw-campbell-jnr Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2011
I like that there is a relationship between the break-down, the retreat of life that is Winter, and the frailty of the body. And then, duration. I'm really feeling this as a seasonal set.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2011
Thanks Robyn :heart: I'm glad the pulse of the set is coming through. I've been working with some new ideas and using this set as a lens. I'm glad some of them are working :heart:
Reply
:iconhw-campbell-jnr:
hw-campbell-jnr Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2011
They really are. It's subtler and subtler. I'm so impressed by how these are like, kind of classic haiku in that they're seasonal and about nature and the human observation/relation to/of it etc, yet at the same time they're very modern, they're very relevant, and they have that lovely wide-open American poetry feeling that you're always bringing into the medium.

Hot.
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2011
Great work man - loving these!!! The first is particularly evocative. Robyn's granddad just died so I have been thinking a lot about death. Love #2 - beautiful. The "pivot" is perfect!!! And "birthday morning" is something I can really relate too (and a lovely turn of phrase on the pivot).

:heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2011
Thanks dude!! Yeah, I'm actually happy with how this set is progressing. The first poem wrote itself...I'll tell you about that on gmail chat. I've been working alot with shasei, not the way we usually think about it, but a more expanded concept. :heart:
Reply
:icontheira-chan:
Theira-Chan Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2011
Ohhh how i wish you were my 5th grad teacher too! :)
Amazing start, can't wait for more..

PS: I hope you had a nice birthday! Feel hugged!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2011
Thanks, Annina! Yeah, my birthday was pretty good. Happy New Year! :heart:
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Wish you were my 5th grade teacher. :D
I didn't have a memerable teacher until a junior in high school. :sigh:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2011
:D High praise indeed :D Sadly, this is not my main class, just a workshop I taught :heart: I'm not sure if I have the nerve to deal with 5th graders every single day!
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:D Nor would I. :)
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:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
interesting start
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2011
What do you find interesting? :)
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the pivot line, showing the change in emotion, whilst the first poem shows how little matters to us - depending on the reading, we're either too focused on the illness to notice nature outside, or we are too absorbed by nature to care about those who are suffering
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2011
Very nice! I like detailed readings.
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks :)
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