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1.

after a drag
on his cigarette
he starts to talk
then stops
for another


2.

asking what he thinks
of Bashô...
my little brother explains
how to catch
a frog


3.

understanding now
that I'm alone-
a frost patch
dripping
from Buddha's eye


4.

I suppose
it can't be helped-
my dinner money
crumpled
in the beggar's hand


5.

floating
just above
the street choir-
bluebird song
in a naked willow


6.

each passing year
more like Mom-
my sister
glowing
in parade lights


7.

first January rain
a hawk works
the field-
today, I contemplate
vacation
©2008-2009 `Laurence55
:iconlaurence55:

Author's Comments

This will be a seven day series of tanka style poetry :heart:

2. A play on one of Basho's most famous haiku

old pond...
a frog leaps in
water's sound

(among many other translations)

#7- Experimenting with Takuboku's concept of Tanka

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconelmara:
so true! and perfectly captured. :nod:

--
Murder your darlings

*VampireWriters *PoetryPlease *Writers-Workshop *ScribeSanctuary
:iconlaurence55:
Hey thanks Mara!:D Out of curiosity, what did you find true in this piece?
:iconelmara:
well somtimes when i'm out with friends, i see a lot of this happening, exactly like you described it. it kinda amuses me and makes me sad at the same time.

it worse when they try to talk around their ciggie especially when they are lighting it.

:(

--
Murder your darlings

*VampireWriters *PoetryPlease *Writers-Workshop *ScribeSanctuary
:iconphoneix-faerie:
great imagery again. Interesting mental image

--
[link] <-- *ManSelf-FanClub
This amazing icon was made by =checkered-fadora
:iconlaurence55:
Ah, I see. Very perceptive!
:iconphoneix-faerie:
you're welocme!

--
[link] <-- *ManSelf-FanClub
This amazing icon was made by =checkered-fadora
:iconiscariot-priest:
I guess he uses cig-drags as full stops =p

--
“Now me lay down to sleep.
Mow da zeebas down like sheep.
Give dem to me nice and dead.
Me no happy ‘til me fed.”
-Bedtime prayer of crocs, Pearls Before Swine
My Faith in Humanity:294
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Very good, and i think you including an explanation makes this piece more accessible!

--
[link] <-- *ManSelf-FanClub
This amazing icon was made by =checkered-fadora

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December 28, 2008
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