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1.

leaving the elevator
her perfume
exits first


2.

another fight ending
with your absence
I spread
clover honey
on both sides of the toast


3.

more oil news...
I take my coffee
jet black


4.

deep summer
the fading tune
of ice cream


5.

hard rain
on the bedside radio
Kind of Blue


6.

tilling
the summer garden
into softness
the frown
on grandma's face


7.

squad cars
at the house next door
evening heat


8.

storm passing
my brother stomps
a puddle


9.

back to school
the doctor advises
more shots


10.

up to my ears
in monthly bills
I steal
another moment
for this tanka


11.

end of summer
a new cocoon
in the attic


12.

card declined...
she pretends not to need
the milk


13.

first school day
everyone learns
the cliques


14.

English major
with perfect pronunciation
his sneeze


15.

evening news
amid horrors
of foreign war
a heron gliding
into sunset


(complete)
This will be a series of Senryu, Haiku, Tanka, and Kyoka, not necessarily in that order :heart:

3. I actually hate coffee :heart:

5. Kind of Blue, my favorite album by Miles Davis.

In this poem I'm tinkering with the idea of the floating line being placed anywhere in the poem with the same effect. :heart:
Add a Comment:
 
:icon8ankh:
8ankH Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2011
have you heard the Miles tune Ghetto Walk? I have it on the Complete Silent Way Sessions, but I don't know if it was released on another album. I don't have it on any other of his albums--and I do have many.

Wondered--

hmm my favourite for now is Big Fun.

thank you for the poems
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2011
I have heard that one! It may be on a best hits album, but I'm not completely sure. Lately I've been listening to more Dave Brubeck. Thanks again for reading and supporting my work.
Reply
:icon8ankh:
8ankH Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2011
there's a good live one of Brubeck from, I think, Carnegie Hall. One tune in 11/4 time as I remember. Yeah! [link]
that's it! gotta listen to that one again! woohoo
Reply
:iconesin:
Esin Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2010
Thank you for this.
:heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2010
Thank you Esin :heart:
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
great ending, a fantastic series!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2010
Thanks for always being so supportive!
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
A fitting closure, the images of unwinable wars glide past our consciousness as the heron at times.
Nice series Laurence. :heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2010
Thanks Ron :heart: Yeah, its interesting how in spite of humanity's drama, the natural world continues on unfettered...until we disturb it through our ignorance.
Reply
:iconsaiun:
saiun Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2010
6 is my favorite so far, but 7 made me smile and 12 is touching. Nice set.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2010
Thanks man. I'm glad you enjoyed reading my work.
Reply
:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010   Writer
Great stuff! It's good to experiment.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010
Thanks Cat! Yeah, experimentation (with intent) is always good.
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:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
12 and 13 are both amazing.
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010
Thank you Jenni.
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome
Reply
:iconbogbrush:
Bogbrush Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010
A beautiful set, it made me feel peaceful just reading them (and I needed that) Thanks :)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010
Thanks man! I appreciate the kind words :)
Reply
:iconsukkigoh:
sukkiGoh Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010
12.

card declined...
she pretends not to need
the milk

this happens .. when u are really that bored with a repetitively declining card .. ;)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010
I don't know so much about that. I think it has more to do with the current economic crisis facing everyone, particularly Americans right now. Bad credit is a symptom of deeper social issues such as the wealth gap between classes. :)
Reply
:iconreturnofbob:
ReturnOfBob Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
<3 12
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
:D
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
12. I known such a life... Compassion or contempt?
One will make ALL the difference.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
Yeah, I've been there too. Compassion or contempt? Are you referring to the spirit of the verse?
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Ooo... Sorry it didn't come across to clear.
We all run into people or situations affecting them like this.
The haughty (contempt) or the humble (compassion) meet them and WILL make an affect.
I was addressing this as a choice we are all faced with; my intent was to put a plug in for compassion. :)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010
Ah, I see that now. I agree totally :) I try to deal with everyone in a compassionate manner. We aren't always aware of the circumstances that bring people to where they are in life.
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconjswebb:
jswebb Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2010   Writer
what a satisfying pivot in number 10. I can relate very much, being over 60k in student loan debt.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
Thanks man! I know how you feel. I don't have any school debt, but it seems like every time I get paid, there is a bill waiting to accept the money.
Reply
:icontheira-chan:
Theira-Chan Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2010
Wow, those haikus are taking my breath away every time!
After a long and hard-working day, I always enjoy them :]

I hope i'll meet you at msn soon!
kisses :)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
Hey Annina! Thanks for the kind words. I'm in the process of reformatting my hard drive, which is why I'm not online at the moment. When I reinstall the operating system, I may have to re-add you to MSN. I'll send you a note. In the meantime I will note you some other stuff and we can talk here. I should be back on MSN in a couple of days :hug:
Reply
:icontheira-chan:
Theira-Chan Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2010
I'm glad to hear that you'll be back soon.
Your newest haiku was as wonderful as always.
You know that I really look forward to every single one you'll
gotta post :]

Have a nice week and thanks for being so kind to inform me! :3
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the snatches of freedom in both 8 and 10
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2010
Thanks Jenni. Yeah, I find that haikai and martial arts give me that sense of freedom and awareness.
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome, I am glad
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:D I think we all should stomp a puddle now and then. :love:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2010
Most definitely :heart:
Reply
:iconsukkigoh:
sukkiGoh Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2010
Love the updates Lauriee !! (^-^)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2010
Thank you :D
Reply
:icondimerization:
dimerization Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2010
6 is absolutely stunning. I have nothing intelligent to say about it. The images mesh perfectly. It's beautiful. :heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2010
Thank you :heart: I appreciate the kind words and I am glad you liked the piece.
Reply
:icontimeflies:
TimeFlies Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2010
Kind of Blue!!!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2010
I knew you'd like that! :D My favorite track is Blue in Green.
Reply
:icontimeflies:
TimeFlies Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2010
Also, Miles was working his way into a ku I started writing a couple of months back... haven't finished it tho. Kind of cool he's been on both our minds though!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2010
Nice man! I can't wait to see your new stuff. I'm getting ready to send a big submission package to Ambrosia. I'm also in Heron's Nest again coming up in September.
Reply
:icontimeflies:
TimeFlies Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2010
Cool man :) I hope you get into Ambrosia! I'm still waiting to hear if I'm in the September Heron's Nest - it's been 5 weeks since I sent my submission and I haven't heard back yet. Fingers crossed I'll get in with you!

I'm gradually working up a good sub for Roadrunner, and I also want to build one up for Modern Haiku at some point. I'm sending a sub off to Blithe Spirit soon, so MH will probably come some time after that.

Looking forwards to seeing your THN and Ambrosia poems anyway. Is it all stuff which is on here, or are there poems which aren't on here that you're also sending off?
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2010
Thanks dude! I'm sure Heron's Nest will be getting back to you soon. I don't think they'd leave you hanging. So you're submitting to Roadrunner huh!? Good luck man. I have trouble getting in there. I think because I'm a little more traditional than what they're looking for. I'm going to be submitting to Modern Haiku in fall and just got a few senryu published in Prune Juice. I also just submitted to Two Dragonflies. I have a bunch of stuff in their current edition, but I like supporting them as much as possible. They do great work with kids! :heart:

Actually the Ambrosia set are haiku that I've never posted here. For me, DA acts as a kind of "e-notebook." I can post my work here for archiving purposes without using my own hard drive. Its a matter of convenience. I don't consider work here as being published, just archived. The set I'm submitting to Ambrosia is a group of haiku I finished over the summer. They're in my journal, but not archived here.
Reply
:icontimeflies:
TimeFlies Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2010
Hey man, still no news from Heron's Nest - almost 8 weeks now. I guess I'll just find out when the issue goes online.

Cool, I want to submit to MH too, but don't know when I'll have a group for them. Good luck with that when the time comes.

It's great that you're supporting Two Dragonflies, nice man :) I've seen your stuff there already actually. There is a fair bit!

I'd love to see your Ambrosia submission if you want to send it to me by email. It's always great to see some more of your work.

I don't consider work to be published when it's on DA either, but watch out because some of the journals do consider appearance on DA as published and won't accept work which has already appeared here. In case you didn't already know about that!

Hope you're well man.

P.s. I shot you a brief email the other day.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2010
Damn, its not like HN to not respond at all. I really think you should have inquired about the status of your poem. At very least so you aren't in limbo. You can always submit it somewhere else. I'm getting ready to enter Haiku World's monthly kukai contest. You should enter too!

Yeah, I'll send you some of my Ambrosia set. I scrapped a couple because I wasn't satisfied with them, but I still have a good batch of five poems. I've heard that many zines don't like you to have work that can be googled. So far I haven't run into any issues, but you're right. I'm going to hold back some of my work from DA in order to submit to the web-zines that do care about that kind of stuff.

Sorry it took so long for me to get your email. I emailed you back just a little while ago.

Hope things are all good with you.

Peace,

L
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