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end of summer
the deflated wheel
of a tricycle

(L)


first day of spring
the prostitute forces a smile

(D)


mountain rain
the laughter
of grandchildren

(L)


no moon tonight
the cleaners plan a strike

(D)


autumn returns
wild geese
in the same letter

(L)


after the stroke
she calls me 'Michael'

(D)


coming solstice
my mother checks
for lumps

(L)


earthquake over
the spider rebuilds its web

(D)


childhood photo
a father
I don't recognize

(L)


another year older
the morepork's song

(D)


first star
the infant's grip
tightens

(L)


construction site
sparrows play

(D)


sleeve weather
a raven slips
into clouds

(L)


last week of tutorials
the roof springs a leak

(D)


Indian summer
the beggar tries
my door

(L)


collapsed mine
the pub falls silent

(D)


Thanksgiving dinner
we mute the program
on Indians

(L)


sniffing her panties
summer heat

(D)


no name
in the thrift store coat
first snow

(L)


sudden downpour
the hills disappear

(D)


crackdown
on Atlanta homeless
December wind

(L)


first Christmas alone
the snow so deep

(D)


the youngest
pregnant again...
winter solstice

(L)
This will be a renku played between me and Dick Whyte ~SOLARTS. The main purpose of this renku is to play and test ideas we've been working on for our upcoming book on haiku theory.

We will be writing the renku in the comments section and then I will update this deviation regularly to include the new entries. :heart:

We are in different seasons in our respective areas.

Our earlier renku can be seen here...[link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconthe-beastie:
the-beastie Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
this is a wonderful collection. there is such a mix of emotions in here, with some very pathos pieces (the stroke haiku particularly touched a heartstring for me), and ideas of freshness, hope and joy coming through beautifully too. wonderful work from both of you :heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2011
Thank you! We appreciate the kind words :heart: This set reflects our respective techniques and approaches to haiku. We are in the middle of exploring new concepts and ideas. Thanks for taking the time to read!
Reply
:iconhw-campbell-jnr:
hw-campbell-jnr Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2010
I call these 'Springsteen Haiku'.

That's a compliment.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2011
Thanks Robyn! :D
Reply
:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I look forward to seeing your book.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
Thank you
Reply
:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
sure thing
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2010
first Christmas alone
the snow so deep
Reply
:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
This is good.
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2011
Thanks man! Much appreciated.
Reply
:iconalmcdermid:
almcdermid Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Sure thing.
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2010
You latest = WOW

Beautiful poem man. Just beautiful.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2010
Thanks brother!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2010
Put my latest reply below:

sudden downpour
the hills disappear
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2010
Yeah, I see it.
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2010
:)
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2010
sudden downpour
the hills disappear
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2010
sniffing her panties
summer heat
Reply
:iconsilvernium:
silvernium Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I love the corresponding voices. Well done!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010
Thank you!
Reply
:iconzenatz19:
zenatz19 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2010
I love the mountain rain poem! Such a beautiful vision of sound and freshness. Just the idea of a mountain instantly evokes echoes to me. And the sound of laughter spreading throughout, weaving in between the raindrops... There is a kind of staccato harmony throughout that is just lovely. And actually the first thing that struck me was that you said "grandchildren" instead of "children". "Grandchildren" by nature has a greater cardinality than "children" which is perfect! I also like how congruous magnitude is throughout, and how each element is simultaneously large and small. With regards to largeness, mountains are vast and rain is copious, laughter is encompassing in that it fills space, and just the diction and cardinality of grandchildren. And when each noun is considered as a single element...raindrops are tiny, childish laughter itself is sort of petite and elfin, and grandchildren are Lilliputian.

Random comment! :lol::heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2010
Thank you Natalie :heart:

This is such an outstanding reading! I know that lately I've been talking to you about some of my structural ideas in haiku. This one is the concept of expansion to contraction. I like that you also picked up on the echo of voices. This is also a kind of expansion. You've actually given me something to think about. I'll fill you in later. Lovely reading, just excellent :heart::floating:
Reply
:iconzenatz19:
zenatz19 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2011
:iconthinkplz:I don't think you ever filled me in on whatever you were thinking!! :date:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2011
:lol: What was I thinking about....I can't recall now :faint: :smooch:
Reply
:iconzenatz19:
zenatz19 Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2011
:lmao: That's all my fault! :ashamed: If you ever remember, you must tell me IMMEDIATELY... :tighthug:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2011
Yes baby I will :heart: We talk about so much that it must have gotten lost in the waves somewhere :floating: :D
Reply
:iconzenatz19:
zenatz19 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2011
Yes, and besides... I knew what you meant to say ;)
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2010
how about using this:

collapsed mine
the pub silent

or:

collapsed mine
the pub falls silent

Do you think the falls is good?? I dunno?
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2010
I like the second piece with "falls" better. For me, "falls" resonates with the first unit. Just as the mine collapsed, there is a "collapse" of sound in the pub. Pick the one you like, then I'll post it.
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2010
lets go with falls. :)

<3
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2010
Cool, consider it done :D
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2010
:)
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2010
last week of tutorials
the roof springs a leak
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the idea of sleeve weather
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2010
Thanks Jenni!
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome :)
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2010
construction site
sparrows play
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2010
Very nice! I love the juxtaposition here. This really has a classic sense of the man-made and organic environment becoming one.
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010
Hey Laurence - your latest is fucking beautiful man!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010
Thank man! I've really been impressed with your work throughout this entire set. Just lovely!
Reply
:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010   Writer
There is so much variety here, and so much to think about. I enjoyed reading it.
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010
Thanks so much - 39 to go!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010
Thanks Cat :) We are still building this renku.
Reply
:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2010   Writer
O, good!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2010
another year older
the morepork's song
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I have some of those too.
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2010
I know what you mean friend.
Reply
:iconsukkigoh:
sukkiGoh Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2010
love your work as usual, Laurence.. thanks ~
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2010
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2010
My new one:

earthquake over
the spider rebuilds its web
Reply
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