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1.

far beyond me
the clicks
of a brown bat-
emailing
my distant lover


2.

before rain
he finds an empty
garage...
this wayward cat
with a missing tail


3.

the scar
Dad never mentioned
visible now
with his new
haircut


4.

alone
in this autumn field
only now
do I notice
Sagittarius


5.

autumn clearance
my sister
buys a Buddha
to match
her room


6.

tai chi practice
in the backyard
I sink
into the harmony
of roots and mud


7.

arguing zen
up the mountain-
a set
of coyote prints
going nowhere


8.

a beetle
scrambling
from the bread box-
this too
is autumn


9.

I wonder
what old man Basho
would think-
oak leaves cluster
in a lopsided pile


10.

her sneeze
in the middle
of our kiss-
I give myself over
to autumn love
Autumn tanka series :heart:

"old man"-term of endearment
Add a Comment:
 
:iconenelic:
Enelic Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2008  Student
I feel like I can never give a good enough critique.Oh well, I guess I'll just have to tell you that you rock hardcore.
:iconlaurence55:
:iconguitarheroplz:
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2008
HAHA!! Nice! I love this!! Its good to see you!
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:iconenelic:
Enelic Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2008  Student
Yeah, you too.I really needed this for inspiration.I'm actually writing again.O.o
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2008
Cool! I need to get by and see your work!
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:iconenelic:
Enelic Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2008  Student
LOL Maybe someday...
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:iconbogbrush:
Bogbrush Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2008
Great selection, mate - a great read :)
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2008
Thanks Phil, I really appreciate that! :)
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:iconbogbrush:
Bogbrush Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2008
:)
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:iconmizamour:
Mizamour Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008
Beautiful! I love your tankas!
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2008
Thank you!
Reply
:iconsauriamami:
SauriaMami Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2008   Photographer
Heya Laurence! [link]
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2008
Hey Carla!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2008
8 and 9 are superb!!!

I love the simplicity of 8.

And 9 is excellent for its vast expanse of time that it covers in such a small space.

:)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2008
Thanks dude! Sorry I've been so absent lately. I was finishing up exams. I have a reply concerning your thoughts on tanka which I send in a little while! :D
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008
cool man-

good to hear from you. hope exams have been doing well.

:)
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
10 is so cute!
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2008
Thanks Jenni!
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcoem
Reply
:iconhaikukitty:
HaikuKitty Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
2 - many a wayward cat with pieces missing I have sheltered...

3 - the scar he may have forgot - the scar he did not want anyone to know... Nice.

6 - I sink into the harmony of roots and mud - yes, it is like that when you practice a discipline.

8 - the bugs are out trying to make their last "hurrah!"

4 - taking the time to look up - and there it all is - exposed in an autumn sky - lovely images - lovely work.
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2008
Thanks Loretta! These are beautiful comments!
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:iconhaikukitty:
HaikuKitty Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2008  Hobbyist Writer
I wish I had the time to tell you more.... Maybe when my work schedule calms down, I will be able to tell everyone what I see, feel and think about their work. :D
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2008
Trust me, I know the feeling! No worries, you'll get to it :D
Reply
:iconciaconna:
ciaconna Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008
8, 4, and 2 are my favorites, I think... Of course, they're all lovely, as usual.
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008
Thank you! I really appreciate that!
Reply
:iconciaconna:
ciaconna Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
8 is great! keep going!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008
Thanks Jenni! My next piece will be the last for this set!
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
ok! XD i look forwards to it!
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008
#8 is brilliant also -

a real Issa moment.I have just added a few new ones to "Part Two" of the Spring Journal (the down poems). I decided to separate them into part one and two because I didn't know how to bridge the two moods so I thought I'duse a haiku technique and create a dialectic between them.

I might go back eventually and edit these to make a more "complete" story - perhaps include the ones from the previous journal about us writing our vows in the series... create a "wedding journal" perhaps?? I am keen on the idea of these "short story" esque tanka collections which actually tell a story over the whole of them.

Hope you are well.

:heart:
Dick
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008
Cool! So you will be doing a linked verse? :D

"I decided to separate them into part one and two because I didn't know how to bridge the two moods"

Hmm, I think you're right. Perhaps it would be best to bridge them with a haiku, which in this case would serve as a hokku for set two. The haiku could create the mood shift that leads into the series.
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008
hmmmm... interesting....

perhaps a hokku could link them.

what do you think of the new ones in part two?? and please - don't worry about the down nature of them. these poems are all from when I noted you about being really down and I am largely getting better. so I don't feel the way the current poems express... mostly I feel okay at the moment, though it's still a bit of a battle - but isn't it always?

love
D
Reply
:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
5 is great! all of them are really good
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2008
Thanks Jenni!
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:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2008
hey - #7 is great!!! I love it. Great use of the floating line (up the mountain) and a great set of images. The turn of the poem is excellent.

Probably my favourite so far.

:heart:
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2008
Thanks brother! :heart:
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2008
no worries dude.

:)
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2008
#5 is simple, and nicely done.

sometimes the simple things are the best.

:)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2008
Thanks dude! I'm looking over your set and also putting together my intro to the renga series. I hope to post it either tonight or by morning. This work day has been busy, so I have not had much time to do anything else. :faint:
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2008
Cool - I look forward to the renga series.

Hope things are going well.

:)
Reply
:icon8ankh:
8ankH Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2008
Number five reads as senryu to me. I itch an irony from the purchase. I like the changes you have made.
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2008
Thanks dude! Yeah, there is an irony in the fifth piece and this is where the concepts between haiku, senryu, and tanka blend together. When you understand them separately, you can then integrate certain aspects of the principles.
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:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
absolutely brillaint..i put up my own attempts, but they are pretty dreadful compared to this
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:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2008
I'm sure they're fine! I'm going to look right now! I will be sure to leave comments!
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:iconphoneix-faerie:
Phoneix-Faerie Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
thankyou!
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2008
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2008
#4 - amazing work here!!!

best of the series yet for me. I wrote a really similar poem in the ones I haven't posted yet (the "down" poems as it were);

such a beautiful
day outside-
how could I not
have noticed
till now?

:)
Reply
:iconlaurence55:
Laurence55 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2008
Very nice dude! I love being on the same wavelength!
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2008
indeed!!!

:)
Reply
:icondimerization:
dimerization Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2008
I love #4. It's so true.
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