Autumn Saku Series

1. I really like how you used the word "cloudless" here; you could've just said "clear" or something but the use of "cloudless" instantly creates somewhat of a tempestuous mood, simply because the word "cloud" is present. Gives more meaning and insight into the nature of the ongoing debate...

2. A salient, distinguished image-- I can clearly imagine this milieu. I also like to think that the autumn moon is the prize pumpkin...because when I think of the phrase "autumn moon," I get the image of an orange moon during a lunar eclipse, just based primarily on the colors I associate with autumn.

3. Lots of sounds in this one; I like how everything, when considered individually, suggests being woken up. Waking up to the radio playing jazz, waking up to the phone ringing, waking up to the sound of crows squawking. I also get the image of musical notation with the second and third lines-- the phone line representing the staff, and the crows being the notes. Which is really cool, since given the mention of jazz in the first line, the crows' movement and black forms essentially recreate the jazz sheet music...

4. Really lovely and stirring... you've written it in such a way that the reader (or at least, me) is struck with a wish that some of those stars from the panoptic sky would fall down into his tiny cup.

5. I love the contrast in images here. A city sunrise is something expansive and encompassing, whereas the following two lines suggest smallness with the words "cubicle" and "lamp-lit" -- which are both entities that are contained and limiting. There's quite a lot of warmth and light conveyed in this poem, but it makes me a little sad because I just keep thinking about someone working alone in that cubicle throughout the whole night. And how they are probably unable to see the natural beauty of the sunrise once morning arrives, because he/she is confined to the artificial light of the lamp.

6. I really like this one; I've always associated scarecrows with being tired, dry, and worn-out because of their appearance and what they're made from... Qualities that go nicely with the idea of their tiresome work day, and the possibility that perhaps they'll be able to relax now that the day is over. This has a unique magic about it...

7. Just incredibly moving; resonating with truth and a strange kind of fragility...

8. Another awesome poem...earthy and languid; the color red conveyed throughout... And of course, the double meaning with the words "indian" and "swastika" is brilliant.

9. Alien and distant... like, the notion of being miles away from home, and "news" being cold and indifferent information, and cancer intrinsically being a foreign thing in the human body.

10. The speed of the wind contrasting with the speed of the bikes...such an inverse relationship-- when one increases, the other one decreases. I like how it's at noon-- the time when both hands on the clock point upwards.

11. A striking, relevant image... what makes this scenario even more urgent is the knowledge that in general, five people is a very large number of people to fit into a single canoe.

12. Very powerful, as usual. I think it is interesting and very appropriate that the food in this poem is potatoes, because I associate potatoes with the Irish potato famine... and the consequent widespread starvation.

13. Deeply beautiful... I like how the darkness-- the weight of the night-- is descending, but there is still the lightness and spontaneous movement of the starling; that's a lovely, subtle contrast...

14. So poignant and atmospheric. I love rain so much, so the sound of fading rain radiates a certain sadness for me. It is not surprising that awareness increases (i.e. aches become more acute and noticeable) when silence starts to pervade...

15. The color that immediately flashes into my mind when I read this is grey. There is an air of cautiousness, as if the groundskeeper is pointedly being careful about where he's stepping, out of respect or perhaps superstition...

16. This is a really endearing image! As if imperfections are created when people are hurried in their work... It reminds me of some dialogue from the film Dil Se when the protagonist is describing the girl he loves-- "Dark black hair, but little eyes. High cheekbones. A flat nose...as if somebody had pasted it on in a rush."

17. Makes me question the respect given to such memorials, and I don't know why, but it also makes me question the sobriety of the general back then! For some absurd reason, I suspect that the general was a drinker back in the day...

18. I love that the widow is circling the ad, like the way eagles circle over their prey...and what's really cool is that the whole situation only becomes evident with the last line-- up until then, the reader is likely to think that the widow is actually hunting.

19. This is actually such a beautiful image. The passage of time elucidated by the tiny detail of frost on the trashcan. Also the idea that the trashcan is "glowing" -- sort of like a light (albeit a cold one) to welcome you back home.

20. I really like the way you separated the second and third lines here. It places more significance on the pie's role. Like the autumn heat is suggestive of an argument, and the pie acts as the subsequent appeasement. Especially since you used the word "returns" instead of something like "arrives"...